FRIENDSHIP III - Support

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. "

~Albert Schweitzer

My husband threw a book release party for the launch of my memoir Back on the Court. (well, he did have help from Heidi and Kathy) Friends and family gathered to celebrate. Models, basketball players & coaches, fellow writers, and friends I’ve met over the years through my kid’s preschool, elementary school and middle school days were there. Even a childhood friend who played with me in the sandbox when I was 3 years old suprized me. I wanted to cry. Okay, I did cry. But it was good to shed those tears and take a moment to focus on the friends that have helped support me through this thing called life.

Take a moment…think about those who have helped support you through life?

Just do it!

Do you ever struggle to get yourself to workout? I’ve worked out once in the last 2 months. (I played basketball on my birthday.) I’m always pretty active. I walk, work around the house and yard, that sort of thing, but other than that I’ve been slightly lazy and It’s time I get out of the lethargic state I’m in and hit the gym.

I know how good it feels to be in shape. I’ve been there on and off my entire life, but these days there always seems to be something that gets in the way. Something more urgent. The laundry, the bills, chauffeuring kids from place to place. Even watching TV at times becomes more urgent.

Excuses. Yes, I know they are all excuses, but how do I get going again? It all started when I hurt my toe (yes toe). It slowed me down, gave me a “real” excuse. I still could have ridden my bike, used the elliptical, things of that sort, but I didn’t, I fell into this lazy state of being (and I’ll admit, a part of me really likes it). But now its time to get after it, like the classic Nike campaign, I will start the laundry, do the dishes and then give my self a kick in the butt….and JUST DO IT!

Perfect Expectations

It’s tough being an athlete. And I’m not talking about for professionals; I’m talking about for kids. The expectations today’s society puts on young athletes are crazy. I’ve listened to parents and coaches berate kids for mistakes that are just that…mistakes. No one is perfect. My husband rolls his eyes when I remind him and my kids, “Even the pro’s make mistakes.”

As a coach and a parent I am no Saint. I get frustrated when my kids don’t do the things I know they can do. But I try my best to look at the big picture.

Two weeks ago I played out of my head and scored twenty points in my basketball game. Last week I stunk. I couldn’t hit a shot, threw the ball away and made a lot of stupid mistakes. I wanted to throw my hands up and cry but I’ve learned from my years on the court to dig deep and keep on going. It’s hard for an experienced athlete to make it through the tough games and to remember what all good athletes eventually learn: No one is perfect, just...NEVER GIVE UP.

Young athletes need encouragement and support. Expect them to push themselves and work hard. Don’t expect them to be perfect.

Breathe

Sometimes I have to stop for a moment and breathe. I mean really breathe. Allow the tension in my body to melt away. Recently I have had a lot of these times.

Fortunately, every Thursday I write with my friend Jenny. We hold one another accountable to our writing goals and use the time to put words on paper. Instead of talking about our week, we write a letter to one another as our writing warm up. Yesterday, in my letter I thanked her for our friendship and then dove into my frenzied week. Scribbling at a pace that was as fast as my life, up until that very moment. Field trips, games, photo shoots, business meetings, open gyms and of course the never ending, and dreaded, cleaning. Sentence by sentence, I detailed the chaos and at the end of each paragraph I wrote BREATHE. An explanation to Jenny, and a reminder to myself, of what I should be doing. I wrote. Took a breath. Wrote. Took a breath. And with each breath felt more calm and thought to myself, “…this should be a blog.”

We read our letters out loud to one another. Jenny went first. I smiled as she shared her letter that was written to me. She paused and I watched her shoulders rise and fall. “Breathe,” she read aloud. Our minds were in tune. (this was not the first time.) Jenny had started a blog series BREATH.

There is much to be said about the benefit of a good deep breath. Take a moment now, fill your lungs, hold the air inside your body for a brief moment and then, let it go…breathe…

*For more on BREATH go to www.heartwriter.com

Relishing the Moment

I give my daughter a bad time about being too rough on the basketball court, but in reality I love her feistiness. Last week when I asked if she wanted to come to open gym with me, she looked up from her book and yawned. She was snuggled into bed, our dog sassy draped across her.

“Not tonight mom.”

“Alright.” I said.

I grabbed my high-tops and was opening the door when I heard, “Hey mom, wait!”

My assistant coach and her daughter came to open gym as well, and while my assistant and I lowered the hoops and chatted, the girls shot around. Then by two’s, seniors who would no longer be playing for our high school, arrived to play. I was glad to see them, glad that something about the game and the friendships that they’ve built bring them back to this court even though they are finished with their high school careers.

Once enough players arrived, we played full-court basketball and little miss “I want to read my book” was flying up and down the court, hustling for loose balls and crashing the boards. I couldn’t help but smile. It was heaven for me. Twenty years ago, when I nearly lost my life in a car accident, I never would have dreamed I would be in this place. Playing basketball with my daughter. Whatever her future in the game matters not, it’s this moment we share together.

What are some of the moments in your life that make life worth living?

Variety is the Spice of Life

I love basketball and feel very fortunate that I was able to get my college education paid for playing the game, but because I love it doesn’t mean it’s all I do. Too often I talk to young athletes (or their parents) that have decided that they are going to focus on one sport. “For what?” is my first thought. To go pro? .03 percent of high school basketball players make it to the professional level. To get a scholarship to college? Less than 1 percent of kids receive scholarships to play basketball in college. Often the money spent trying to improve a child’s skills in hopes that the child will earn a scholarship, could pay for college itself. And often the result is a child that has injuries from repeated use and no longer loves the game. Being a part of a team is a lot of fun, most of the time, but even when it’s not, a young athlete is staying out of trouble and learning lessons that will help them throughout their lifetime.

Why not play several sports? I expect my kids (the ones I’m raising), and I suggest to the kids that I coach, to play different sports. And why not play instruments, draw, design and create, on top of studying, because as a coach I’ve seen the burn out. A 3^rd grader goes full-time select soccer and is done with soccer by middle school. A Senior in high school is recruited to play Division 1 basketball but doesn’t except the scholarship because she’s tired of playing. These are just a couple of many stories I have heard over the years.

I’m 44 years old and I play basketball 2-3 times a week because I love to play. I started playing basketball in 7th grade and added AAU ball when I was in 9^th grade, but it wasn’t all consuming. I also played volleyball (they didn’t have school soccer in those days), played softball, ran track, sang in the choir, and hung out with my friends. When I was on the court, I was focused, but the rest of the time I was involved with life, just as I believe it should be for young athletes today.

Give me the freedom of the court or maybe just 2 on 2 will do

Cass got the bad draw today...his mom. 2 on 2 has never been my game, I like the freedom of the full court. The opportunity to run and blend with my teammates on the hardwood, not trip over the bumpy grass/driveway court. Still I had fun. Even after a 14-15 loss to Charli & Dad, I had fun. (We'll get'em next time Cass, not that winning is that important, but it's nice every once in a while) 

Three more families have joined the Peace.Love.Basketball Shooting Challenge and over fifteen kids. Don't forget to let me know how you're doing. And get out there and have fun! 

Best of luck!

  

Family Time on the Court

Well, both kids passed me quite handily on their shooting charts. It doesn't hurt that they have had me as a rebounder. (how can I resist a "mom, can you come out and shoot with me, please?")  It doesn't even bother me that I end up rebounding. In fact, I enjoy it. I didn't realize starting the Peace.Love.Basketball Shooting Challenge would bring me even closer to my kids.

I wasn't sure they would want to do the Challenge. But Cass ran out to the hoop the first day, shooting 40 shots before we walked to school. Charli knew about the PLB Shooting Challenge but she didn't really say much, other than briefly commenting about having her picture on the small handout I was making about the Shooting Challenge. A comment that was as difficult to read as her opinion on the Challenge itself. I was preparing for, "I don't really want to do it mom." And had decided not to push. I've seen way to much of that in my years of coaching and I've seen what it can do to girls and their love of the game. "Sonya you'll have to 'let it go' if Charli doesn't feel like doing the Challenge" I told myself. 

Yesterday Charli asked, "Hey, why don't I have a shooting chart taped on the wall for me?" 

"I didn't know if you wanted one." I said, dropping the last dirty fork into the dishwasher.

"Yes, I want a chart." she said grabbing a ball and heading to the court.

I smiled as I filled the dishwasher with soap and closed the door. 

Never mind that she shot in her bare feet the first day. Never mind that she decided to go with shots taken, not shots made. She's out there shooting, having fun. And better yet, part of the time, I've been out there with her. I've been keeping quiet and keeping it fun. Well, maybe I've let out an occasional "don't forget to square your shoulders to the hoop," how could I not. But I'm staying quiet enough that she's smiling and now she has passed me by about 300 shots. I've got some work to do tomorrow...